Chapter 3– I Only Came To Help Her

           It was 6 o’clock or so when I reached Terka’s house. I stopped as if there was a concrete wall in front of me. I didn’t even notice that it wasn’t raining anymore and the city had been overwhelmed by darkness. Fear was sneaking into my mind, the fear of what I could see in the house. I felt anxious and confused. What if her Mom was at home? What should I tell her? My thoughts were suddenly interrupted by barking of Terka’s dog. I saw the door fling open and Mrs. Pilarová stretching her head forward to see who was coming.

        ‘Oh, Ase, come in, it’s raining out there,’ she shouted with her high-pitched voice. Before I managed to react their dog had run into their house. Mrs. Pilarová went after it and let the door open for me to come in. I slowly started moving towards the door, still thinking and trying to calm down. When I got in I heard Mrs. Pilarová fighting the muddy dog and slipping on the wet floor. 'I came to help her...,' I paused thinking, then finished: '...with her homework.' 'Oh, great, she's in her bedroom, make sure to come down here to get some snack later!'

I went upstairs and stopped in front of Terka’s bedroom. There were signs and notices on it. Some of them we made together. I reached the handle. It was cold. I opened the door and was illuminated by sunbeams of the sun peeking through the gray and black rainy clouds. ‘Mie scattering,’ I whispered to myself. Half-blinded by the sudden tide of sunshine I started looking for Terka. And there she was lying on the floor balancing a bottle of vodka in her left hand. Fortunately, she was moving. She lifted the bottle and gesticulated something which I didn’t understand. Then she finally spoke: ‘Get ouuuuttt! Get out from herrrre!’ ‘Good, you’re speaking,’ I said, ignoring her attempts to discourage me from helping her. But I realized she hadn’t opened her eyes yet. I opened a window to get some fresh air for her.

        ‘You girls up there?’ cried Terka’s Mom. ‘Shut up you-,’ I put my hand on Terka’s mouth: ‘Are you crazy?’ She started vomiting on it. ‘Oh no... That’s disgusting! Terka stop!’ I said with an absolutely serious voice. I guess that was what made her Mom go upstairs to see what was going on. ‘You girls okay?’ we heard her footsteps approaching to the bedroom. ‘What’s up?’ she asked as she was almost at the door. I would never forget the expression in her face when she saw us. I immensely got up to wipe my hand but forgot that I had opened the window and bumped my head so bad that I immediately fell unconcious.

        From what they told me I know that Mrs. Pilarová called an ambulance and before it had arrived she found a package of sleeping pills. And cleaning up the mess took her hours. And who told me this? The police.

Kapitola 1– Tichá Nenávist

Kolik jehliček se nachází v brachyblastu Pinus nigra (borovice černá)? Em… tři, mám pocit… nebo dvě? Mnoho stromů má jen dvě. Neptal by se na toto, kdyby odpověď byla tři. Ale… “Sakra, jsem v háji,” řekla jsem tiše, nicméně mě jedna z mých spolužaček slyšela. “Měla ses na to naučit líp,” byla její odpověď na mé prohlášení– ne otázka, byla to zjevná oznamovací věta. I když ona byla známá pro své odpovídání na řečnické otázky a ptaní se na informace, které už byly řečeny. Ona byla tak nějak z jiného světa. Byla moc hodná, tedy aspoň se tak chovala, ale neskutečně povrchní a namyšlená. To je ale jen můj názor. A také všech ostatních.

Zpět k testu z biologie. Mohlo by se zdát, že se jedná o písemku z latiny– hlavně tedy ta druhá část, nicméně taková už byla má studia na střední škole. Po tom, co jsme test dokončili, já a zbytek mé třídy jsme se přesunuli do třídy na matematiku. Procházení chodbami naší školy bylo jako hraní rugby. Nikdo nedodržoval nařízení chůze po pravé straně. Všichni do sebe vráželi a očividně jim to nevadilo. Mně ano.

Tento den byl jako jakýkoli jiný pracovní. Má nálada byla vysloveně na hovno a nic se mi nechtělo. Naštěstí jsem v matematice sedávala v zadní části třídy, kam pan profesor zavítal jen výjimečně. Neuvědomoval si to, ale měl štěstí, že mezi námi byla relativně velká distance. Pro mě byla matematika muka. Dokud to byla jen aritmetika, bylo vše v pořádku. Výsledek jsem mohla říct z hlavy. Ale když se začala objevovat písmenka, zpanikařila jsem. A můj vztah k geometrii, planimetrii a podobným věcem, ke kterým jsem byla příliš zapomnětlivá si přinést pomůcky, abych je vůbec mohla provozovat? Jedno slovo– asociace. Pokud zkonstruujete čtverec, co můžete, udělat pro to, aby nevypadal tak nudně? Je to dobrý způsob, jak rozvíjet svou kreativitu.

Tahle hodina byla jiná. Pan Křížek nebyl v dobré náladě. Byl cynický a neustále nám říkal, abychom drželi huby. Abych řekla pravdu, morálka ve všech hodinách byla otřesná, ale profesoři si na to prostě zvykli. Přece jenom vyrostli ve stejné zemi (jen pojmenované jinak). Bylo to tu normální. Někteří čeští profesoři chtěli, aby školy v České republice byly jako ty ve filmech, ty, o nichž snili– stádo zmanipulovaných, uniformovaných studentů téměř bez práv. Pan Křížek byl zvláštní. Byl jedním z těch profesorů, které jsem jednoduše nenáviděla. Ne proto, že učil věci, kterým jsem nikdy neporozuměla, ale v jeho lidské podstatě bylo něco, co se mi nelíbilo. Cítila jsem to pokaždé, když jsem jej potkala. Samozřejmě, že jsem byla proti chování některých studentů, ale říkat jim, promiňte, říkat NÁM, že jsme horda nezkušených idiotů byla drzá přehnaná reakce. A to jsem nemohla vystát. Slíbila jsem si, že budu na všechny hodná. Vlastně to bylo mé novoroční předsevzetí. Ale on byl výjimkou, kterou jsem musela konfrontovat.

Chapter 2– What have you done?

When I got home late in the afternoon, my friend Tereza, whom I call Terka, texted me: You free tonight? Can we meet at my place at six? Urgent! Thnx. I couldn’t say no to her, I needed to cheer up and she was always talking about herself and her problems so her interlocutors never had time to think of theirs. I loved her anyway. She was always smiling and was so funny. Nobody would ever guessed that she had come through so many bad situations and had schisms in her own family. Terka attended a medical high school, had great grades in the elementary school, which we attended together, but got worse when she got into this high. Anyway, I texted her back: Yes, what’s going on? Shall I bring something? It took her a while to answer. I started preparing a quick snack– two toasts with butter and blueberry jam and a glass grog tea. Yummy! Then checked the bus schedule and sorted out I didn’t have enough time to eat it all and get ready to go.

I was flitting around the house and preparing for leaving the house, when my Mom came home from work.

 ‘What’s going on?’ she said, watching me desperately looking for my keys. ‘I’m ‘bout to visit Terka. Do you know where my keys are?’ I asked her without even glancing at her. ‘No,’ she rejoined. ‘You should stay at home studying and revising for school,’ she cried after me but I was already gone running down the stairs.

 As soon as I ran out from our house, I found out it was raining. ‘Damn it!’ I mumbled. Looking at my telephone watches I was deciding whether to go back and get an umbrella or not. Eventually, I didn’t carry one. I also noticed another message from Terka however didn’t read it till I got on the bus.

It’s alright, I’ve solved it, you better stay at home, it’s fucking raining out there. You don’t say?! The wrinkled expression in my face was supposed to look surprised however it made some guys sitting against me laugh. I immediately transformed it into you-better-stop-staring expression and got off the bus in the centre.

I had no idea what to do. I felt down, jaded, my hair was getting wet. Usually when I had nothing to do, I used to light up a cigarette. But being alone, I was scared of that somebody could see me and tell my parents and the rain prevented me from going somewhere else.

Suddenly, I heard my phone ringing. It was Terka. ‘Hey, Ase, I need to talk to you. Sorry for alarming you without a reason,’ she said with a dubiously calm voice. ‘You know, you attend a prestigious school and...’ I stopped her: ‘What? The school is so lame, it’s just that...’ ‘Listen!’ she shouted and went on: ‘You are so beautiful, I cannot look at you without thinking that I’m way too ugly to be a friend of yours,’ she started sobbing. I immensely reacted, stepping away from an eld man trying to catch something from our dialogue: ‘No, stop saying this! I’m not pretty and you know th…,’ she went on like I didn’t say anything: ‘You are thin and I’m fat and stupid. I wanted you to come here I needed to talk to somebody but didn’t want to see you! I’m done! I don’t want to live anymore,’ she hung up.

I tried calling her back but she didn’t pick up the phone… 

Chapter 1– Silent Hate

       How many needles are in each brachyblast of Pinus nigra? Euh… three I guess… Or two? Many trees have only two. He wouldn’t ask this question if the answer was two. But still... ‘Damn it, I’m screwed,’ I said quietly, however a classmate of mine heard me. ‘You should’ve studied harder,’ was her response to my statement– not a question, it was a clear statement. Nevertheless, she was known for her answering rhetorical questions and asking for information already said. She, somehow, was out of this world. She was warm-hearted or, at least, acting like that but way too superficial and high-and-mighty. Just my opinion. And everybody else’s.

          Back to the Biology test. It might seem like a test from Latin, especially the second part of the sentence but this is just what my studies in a high school were like. After I had finished the test, I and the rest of my class went right to the Mathematics classroom. Walking down the corridors of our school was like playing rugby. Nobody had kept the decree of keeping on the right side. Everybody was bumping each other and didn’t mind it. I did.

The day was like any other work day. I felt like shit and wanted to do nothing. Fortunately, I used to sit in the back of our Maths classroom where the professor appeared merely occasionally. He didn’t realize but he was lucky to have me that far away from him. To me, Maths was a torture. As long as it was arithmetic, I was okay. I could tell you the results off the top of my head. But when the letters had popped up I started to panic. And my relationship with geometry, planimetry and other stuff I was too forgetful to bring the instruments needed for doing it? One word– association. When you construct a square, what can you do with it to make it not to look so boring? It’s a good way to increase your creativity.

This lesson was different. The professor, Mr. Křížek, wasn’t in good spirits. He was cynical and kept telling us to shut up. Truth to be told, the morality in any lesson was horrible but professors just got used to it. They grew up in the same country (only named differently). It was normal here. Some professors wanted Czech schools to be like those in movies, the ones they had dreamt of– crowd of children in uniforms being manipulated and treated like lawless. Mr. Křížek was somehow weird. He was one of the professors I simply hated. Not because he had taught things I never seemed to understand, there was something in his nature that I didn’t like. I felt it every time I saw him. Of course, I was against the behaviour of some children but telling them, excuse me, telling US that we were a herd of inexperienced idiots was a rude overreaction. And I couldn’t stand it. I had sworn being nice to everyone, well it was my New Year’s resolution actually. But he was an exception I had to confront.