Emotional maturity... is that even possible?

Since I want you to understand what I mean by writing this (and I’m sure you want it, too) you’ll have to forgive me a short preface that I’m about to write.

I’m currently reading a book called “The Man Who Mistook His Wife for a Hat and Other Clinical Tales” by Oliver Sacks (in Czech, of course). Actually, I started in the morning and finished the first part while I was on my way to (and from) an anthropology and anatomy museum. No, I wasn’t driving while reading. It was a school trip. Anyway, the Introduction to the first part called “Losses” has inspired me to think about the importance of each of our hemispheres and the way their disorders manifest Dr. Sacks quoted and referred to earlier works of Dr. A. R. Luria saying that disorders of the left hemisphere are more “visible” than those of the right hemisphere. Later, I talked to one of my classmates. I’m not sure what to think about her, she is ∞-dimensional, so I’d rather not mention my description of her. So as we talked (she talked, actually), we (she) came to a conclusion that two of our classmates who were just in front of us wouldn’t be a nice couple; “like ever”, as she said. The reason was simple, she seems childish to her and he’s very smart and mature for a boy of his age. I somehow put these two facts together and got an idea of writing on this topic.

 

So recognizing whether a person is dumb is pretty easy. People speak and when they speak, they are listened to and some of them just shouldn’t be. They could literally make your IQ decrease rapidly. But how do you find out whether the boy (this usually happens to boys) you are talking to is emotionally mature or just smart? (By saying “just smart” I’m not trying offend anyone who’s… just smart.)

 

There’s nothing bad about not being emotionally mature. You can enjoy your childhood, you don’t have to rush for having a relationship, and you can use it as an excuse. But what I’m trying to say is that it’s safe as long as you have your hormones under control. I’ve met dozens of 13 or 14 y-o children who have already had sex. Yet, they still giggle when someone says the word “sex” aloud. They feel like virginity is a sickness or a handicap. These are the cases of silly and young kids who are immature.

 

Now I’d like to talk about children who have their emotions and desires under control because they are clever. There’s some space for inquiry, e. g. is the control limited? Yes, it is. But it differs since every man is an individual. (Anyway, I’m not going to sift through all of the ideas that came to my mind.) These people are probably aware of that they shouldn’t behave the way the group mentioned above does. Maybe because of religion or parents. Thinking about your behaviour and limiting it indicates an evolved prefrontal cortex (as far as I know) but you never know how much evolved it is and whether it can influence the rest of the brain. Sending everyone to have an X-ray of their brain isn’t the best solution. So this group might seem to be the best. No, it’s not. Why? Emotional maturity isn’t a sign of brightness. I can give you an example of what happened to me when I was 15. There was a boy, a very smart boy, who had loved me since we were in the 8^th grade. He had never told me, though. Nevertheless, he said it to everyone except me. Later, when the whole class knew, kids started mocking me. Some girls even told me that I was a b*tch for making him suffer like this. Of course, I didn’t know anything. And he knew it all and still did nothing. Then finally of friend of mine told me. I thought I would kill that guy but let it go. So this is an example of immaturity.

 

To sum up, there’s no way of telling whether they are mature or immature. You only find out when you date them, or, when somebody finally tells you.